SCORNED X-WIVES and JUDGEMENTAL FRIENDS

Well isn't that just an eye catching title? You know we have to cover this subject and get it out of the way. We have alot to cover in 365 days. Now look, we all know a scorned individual and we also know of forgiveness too.  I'm not even sure how to start this. I could've made the title "wife Swap" but I really didn't think it was necessary. My life story is so dramatic, some things you would not even believe.  But I will say My X...is with my husbands X. (dramatic pause)   Family, Friends and all of the township are aware of it.  I suppose as long as everyone is happy... its "Do-able" Everyone is easy going. EXCEPT she and I. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm asking for the anger, the jealousy, the nonsense to stop. It's totally uncomfortable for the kids. ALL of them, and that's what matters. They see it, they feel it. They have to live with it at basketball games, soccer games, dance recitals and guess what , if it continues, that pours into graduations, weddings and other milestones. I can get past my former mother-in-law not talking to me for the past 5 years even though I am  the mother of her grandchildren.

Yes, I even lost friends in the divorce process. People take sides , but then of course you see where their loyalty is. The friends I have, are the friends that will remain with me until the day I die. I may not be the most spiritual, religious person in the world. But, I can tell you I know what forgiveness is and I know what a christian does...they make mistakes. Maybe one day for the kids sake the scorned one will learn to forgive and make it a little easier and less stressful for the kids. Its a twisted story, but a true story.

Against my cousin Andreas will, she said, "Jackie, take the high road and "let it be". Do not write things that will get you into trouble, or get people upset."  I had to write this, its heavy on my chest, and a friend of mine text me today  who also is divorced and getting re-married. She said " why aren't my friends reaching out to me to help me?" Because I will tell you why.....Divorce to some is like murder. We should be stoned, we should tie a rope around our neck and hang.We should remain miserable.  We now become UGLY, DECEIVING individuals. Well, that's 50% of us.  It took a little while, but through the "cleansing" process I am clear of the guilt and I realize I cannot change the way people view me. I do however respect my x-husband for talking with me, and understanding that  (together) will always be the parents to OUR children.  I praise my x-in laws (some of them) who still acknowledge me. I thank my friends who have stuck by my side. And I hope my friend Jayne can forgive me for being one of those people who did not have the word divorce in her vocabulary all those years ago when she was going through it. I have been on both sides.

In closing I hoped this someone helped my friend who is going through alot of the same thing and is planning her second marriage. I wish you a world of happiness. Go on a Rampage of Appreciation, rather than Discussing the Evils of the World. 

My cousin Anrdrea

THE BLACK BEAR BALL"

Mean girl in the middle

WHAT:  The 15th year that Eddie (owns SCREPSI'S sub shop....best turkey and cheese EVER) and Jolyn Ostroski have invited friends into their home for a great get-together in which Ted Nugent has been rumored to have been invited.
WHATEVER:  You can eat Chicken, Bear, Buffalo, Duck, rabbit, etc....or you can drink, whatever you want.
that whatever you want is why my blogging is a little late today. I would like to thank Sarra (sweet girl) and Kristen (mean girl) for introducing me to a fantastic little drink. WHIPPED CREAM VODKA....mixed with cranberry juice...my personal favorite OR if you want an orange starburst taste on your tongue WHIPPED CREAM VODKA , sprite and OJ. wow.
The night was filled with making more new friends, and being with Dena, Randy,Mike (the "magic man") Brad,  Sarra,(sweet girl) Kristen(mean girl) and her lovely husband Brian and the Cookie pusher Mary Beth.

Let's talk about Mean girl for a minute....we all know one, the girl who will say anything and not care about what you think or feel...she reminds me of Chelsea Handler....exactly like her. She has no idea she is coming off as this sassy, over confident individual....and if you don't know her....you could end up in a corner crying all night. I thank my lucky stars I had my big girl pants on last night because I no sooner get in the house and she says "let me tell you something about your blog, I thought you said you were going to be real and raw?" I said, "it is real, and it is ME, I am only into it for five days, give me a chance to light my match" her response, "well, you're being too nice"

Too nice huh? I didn't know I had it in me.....Mary Beth(cookie pusher) said "it's very inspiring" one of my other friends yesterday (Liz, Rosedale Rosebud) said "I think I know exactly where you are going with your blog" and Lisa ( Mom of the year) said, "its written from the heart"

I promise to not to be someone I'm not. Kristen, I love you :) mean girl or not....I know you want you own blog B*$#H.

As for the Black bear ball, I had a great time, in previous years I could not WAIT to leave, it has ALOT to do with the company you are with , and how Complete you feel when you can be yourself. My husband is one of a kind. Whether we are eating duck, shoveling snow, or watching paint dry we are happier than we have ever been!

If you could only see/hear him now.....snoring...with a pillow over his head.....boilo and buffalo don't mix baby!

Shooting, Stabbing, Theft

Happy Weekend Friends. The title of today's blog is almost the same as that unforgettable game we used to play and is still played when we decide who is going to unload the dishwasher, take the dogs out, or clean the bathroom.  ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS. Do you play? 

Shooting, Stabbing, Theft, is the game I play on my way to work everyday as I roll into the city of Reading at an early morning hour, to some it may seem like the middle of the night, you never really get used to it.  At any rate, I come to a few red lights in the city and (please don't tell our city's finest)I roll right through the light making sure no other cars are around to cause an accident. Only because I fear the SHOOTING, STABBING, THEFT game may be on the horizon.

I get to work, I park the vehicle and get out of my car, phone in hand, no money in my purse and trying to remember every little detail of my kickboxing classes years ago. Roundhouse kick to the head, elbow to the nose, kick in the groin, etc. Mind you, my husband carries a gun and a badge. I have asked him for mace, (he knows I would accidentally spray it in my own eyes) I have asked to "pack heat" but I'm not allowed to have any firearms at work, and I have asked my boss for a security guard, but that didn't go over so well.

Don't you think its fair to say the city just isn't safe? OF COURSE. Play the game Shooting, Stabbing, theft and lets take a look at tomorrows headlines. Its not like Pottsville where I could leave my keys in the car and my doors and windows open, granted my husband has made me a member of the "safety club" and I try not to fear the dirt bags that are taking over the city. Once they smell fear, you're doomed. Just like a dog.

So, I continue to take pride in the GOOD things in the city, the concerts, the dining, the shopping....etc. Do not let them win. We were here first.

And.....Scott St. John , thank you for waiting in the lot every morning until I get there. I'm off to the shooting range. It's never to late to learn how to pull the trigger, although I prefer Wonderwoman, all she had to do was click her bracelets together.

Have a great day.

Happy Pill, Counciling or Give-up?

Happy Friday...."happy" is an adjective used to describe how you may feel after using a substitute to ease the pain or clear your mind , for instance, Zoloft, (tried it)  alcohol, (used to need a glass every night)  and "pretending" have all been my substitutes.  Please don't tell me you have never once fell off of your pretty little white horse in your world of perfection. Because I will have to call you a liar.  I have even gone to counseling on a few occasions to have tried to FIND my happiness. Other option....Give up. I dare you. Guess what? That's too easy! I like a challenge. GAME ON.

Happiness is a state of mind characterized by contentment. Love, Satisfaction, Pleasure and Joy will all give you the "Happy" feeling.

Today on the morning show Scott was absent. I decided to give my listeners a little test to find out just how "happy" they were on a Friday as opposed to a Monday or Tuesday.....and the results are in! My early rainy morning SUCKED big time...I could've very easily stayed in bed for another 4 hours. Instead, I counted on my listening audience to wake ME up! It works....when you are happy, it is contagious. Its a good feeling to have, to keep, to pull out of your pocket. And when you smile (even when you are so mad and unhappy) it takes over. I have found that Feeding off of other happy people is a good drug of choice.

Getting off Medicine of any kind is hard and the Good lord knows there are plenty of people who need a little boost, a little perk, a little "help" to get through stressful times, tragedies , and difficult moments. Death, Divorce, Money problems, work, Teenagers, (5 of them) but if you put more energy into "happy" thoughts, and use your extra energy to go for a walk, a run, go to the gym, take a yoga class. just MOVE. It will do you more good than anything. Breathe. Be happy you're alive.

I have gone through alot of nonsense, that's exactly what it is...nonsense. feelings that creep up on you when you least expect them. People talking about me, me getting paranoid, me feeling lonely. It sucked.  But guess what? I win. I'm the one with the smile. I grew into "HAPPY" and Happy looks on me. Yes, we all fall down, but the strong survive. YOU CAN DO IT!

I wish you all a great weekend. Surround yourself with good people. and "Don't worry, be happy"

COMMITMENTS...DIVORCE/MARRIAGE

Today's word choice comes from my Willpower and Grace instructor, Stacy Brown. Yesterday at Sunshine wellness I was doing a plank...just about ready to give up, and Stacy said, "make a commitment to yourself" and that word COMMITMENT made me get through that plank. I was never one to stick to much of anything, one of those start a project and then 2 weeks later brush it under the carpet and hope it just goes away.

Commitments are needed in friendships, work, families and here we go.......MARRIAGE.

As many of you know or do not know I am divorced and re-married. Growing up I knew I one day wanted to get married and I knew divorce would NEVER be in my vocabulary. I really wanted to make a commitment, I was 23. Glenn was 28. Our first five years were great. 2 healthy, beautiful children. Commitment. We moved to Reading. There were alot of highs and lows. We separated, we got back together, and things would never be the same. I changed. He remained the same. We grew up, but not together. Not quite the same thought process. He will always remain my friend, or at least I like to think so. We will always have one Commitment together and that is our children. We hurt one another.  It took  a long while to forgive myself for how things turned out.  I am divorced for 3 years now. I really wish I could have shown my children what a commitment was, but some things you cant change.

I met my current husband when I was not looking, but I was searching for the one thing I needed. Security, dedication, a love you only dream of, and I wanted Commitment. I think we found each other. Not at the best time of our lives, and not at the right time. But, it happened.

Commitment, Dedication, Loyalty. All those things I not only have in my marriage with John. But I have them with my family, my friends, my employer, my body, and most importantly and above all my faith.

FRIENDS

First of all, my birthday was the best......EVER.  I stayed home and spent it with my kids, my husband and an awesome mother in law. A homemade Betty Crocker Cake, with milk chocolate icing. Made by my husband and Pizza. (thank you Scott.) Lots of workout clothes, a new purse, jammies, and of course WINE.

Today's topic : FRIENDS.  They are a big part of who I am, and like everyone we all have our different groups of friends. different categories.

Childhood friends
Best Friends
co-workers
church friends
workout buddies
the ones who stuck by your side during a divorce
facebook friends

of course there are many more, my first 3 friends I ever had are my 3 very best friends today. Heather, Debbie and Ginene. (and that is no particular order) because debbie would get mad wondering why she isn't first. I would have to give her Oreos in order for her to not be mad at me. We don't get together as often as I would like , but we have a bond no one can break, birthdays, holidays, and yes even tragedies we are there for each other always. Its more like sisters. We talk several times a week and already have our next outing planned at Heathers "summer" home in the Poconos!
Although Jacquie Dormers schedule is busier than mine, we remain very close, I have mega respect for her, and another lifelong friend :)

I have been blessed by friends, alot of them, all of them different, some have come and gone. Gone meaning when I was going through my divorce they chose to just let me in my own misery. That will be a story for another day.

There are some friends I could never be without. Dena, Lisa, Maria, Becky, Colleen, Beth F. Sharon, Kim, Donna,Marlee, Stacy, Laurie, Mic, and as my daughter grows up into a young woman I am also proud to call her "friend" Katie .  About Colleen.....dear God....she is Friend you all wish you had....she might still be stuck in the 80's. wardrobe, music, the way she raises her 3 lovely children...whom I adore. she is differnt, thats for sure. We all need a Colleen.

We are all a circle of friends when you think about it,  and as I wake up each day I know how to be a better friend, its so much more than a phone call, or text, or a facebook message, its about making the time to get together while you are here for the HAPPY times. Its something I am trying to explain to my husband, he has been going back home for many funerals and sad occasions, you must keep your bond, make it stronger. enjoy your friends , they are the cherry on your sundae and the icing on your cake, and at the end of your day you feel fulfilled knowing being a friend doenst take up much energy because it is so natural. Friends warm your soul.  A life without friends is very lonely.  Now get going and plan a lunch, a getaway, a workout, a walk. Something. enjoy.

The Birth of my Blog 365 days

42 years ago in 1969 my mother gave birth to me.  2 years later, she left.  For the next 365 days this is just what you will get. REAL, RAW, and RADIANT, hoping to shed light and alot of laughter.
And now........My Cast Of Characters.
My dad (JACK) is my protector and comedian re-married when I was 5, and my brother (JOHN) was 10. There will be no mention of STEP-mother. ever. (BARBARA) She raised me, she molded me, she loves me. She is my mom.
and now....the people who must live with me!
JOHN: My husband, my rock, my true love, my "lefty" as we call one another because we are both left-handed. We married last July. It was the perfect day, only one thing was missing. Granny. I miss her more than anything in the world. But I know she is watching.
KATIE: 18 years old Gorgeous, Artistic (that's from her dad) and LOVES her Music (thinks I'm crazy)
ERIC:    16 years old The Athlete,shy, heart of gold, 6'2 (thinks I'm embarrassing) imagine that!
ALEX:    16 years old. 16 going on 40. He is always right. A people pleaser and hard worker.(says this blog is a cry out for attention) hahaha.
MICHAEL: 14 years old. Watch out for this one. He will do anything for you. Loves Video games, sports, his buddies and horror movies. ew, we watched SAW yesterday. (loves making fun of me)
HOLLY :   13 years old  She is the "Einstein" seriously she is the smartest 13 year old I ever met. Our "tiny dancer" and beautiful. (She is still getting to know Jackie) kind of like a SHELL SHOCK
CLARA:  The German Shepard who talks more than I do
BO:   The lover of the family.
It wasn't and isn't the easiest thing in the world to blend together like the Brady Bunch, but the most important thing is there is and always will be alot of love to go around.

My birthday so far has been blessed with the the best birthday wishes. My morning show partner SCOTT is a SAINT. Scott St. John. He puts up with my every mood, my highs, my lows. My Go-To guy for all occasions. You will him mentioned often.

My body requests a workout from Sunshine Wellness Resources with STACY BROWN. The most inspiring, kindest, spiritual  woman I know.

Dinner tonight. PIZZA from Carinis in Laureldale.

42 years, you have been good to me. Here is to Day 1 of my blog.

TOMORROWS BLOG:  MY FRIENDS

One more day!

The next 365 days are going to be real, raw, and uncut, sort of like the things I cant talk about on the air, or things I want to share with people who WANT to listen, get to know me, my friends, my co-workers, my family, (whether they like it or not) religious view, politics. entertainment, I am excited for a diary everyone can read!

Its almost here!

Tuesday is almost here. Are you ready? No secrets. No holding back. All real. All raw. Follow me. 365 days

Fab Five

Only Five more days and then my 365 day diary begins.
No holding back.....kids, co-workers. friends, enemies. neighbors....beware. This is going to be fun.
Daily blogging and a day in the life.
It will be good to track my own mood swings, highs and lows....according to my daughter she thinks Im bi-polar.
have a fabulous weekend.

Just testing things out!

countdown to blog.....6 days